Borrowed in Brooklyn

BPL · Book · 2025

Fawning : why the need to please makes us lose ourselves--and how to find our way back

Ingrid Clayton

From a clinical psychologist and expert in complex trauma recovery comes a powerful guide introducing fawning, an often-overlooked piece of the fight-flight-freeze reaction to trauma-explaining what it is, why it happens, and how to help survivors regain their voice and sense of self."-- Provided by publisher. "Most of us are familiar with the three F's of trauma -- fight, flight, or freeze. But psychologists have identified a fourth, extremely common (yet little-understood) response: fawning. Often conflated with "codependency" or "people-pleasing," fawning occurs when we inexplicably draw closer to a person or relationship that causes pain, rather than pulling away. Do you apologize to people who have hurt you? Ignore their bad behavior? Befriend your bullies? Obsess about saying the right thing? Make yourself into someone you're not...while seeking approval that may never come? You might be a fawner. Fawning explains why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships, and tolerate dysfunctional environments, even when it seems so obvious to others that we should go. And though fawning serves a purpose -- it's an ingenious protective strategy in unsafe situations -- it's a problem if it becomes a repetitive, compulsory reaction in our daily lives. But here's the good news: we can break the pattern of chronic fawning, once we see it for the trauma response it is. Drawing on twenty years of clinical psychology work -- as well as a lifetime of experience as a recoverin

Demand pressureiDemand pressure: composite score across the 12 tracked branches — rewards low availability, branches all out, recent drops, and (when exposed) public hold counts. Higher = harder to get borough-wide.

483

Available

1/6

Branches all out

5/6

Public holdsiPublic holds: BPL exposes 'people waiting' at the bib (record) level — one number per work for the entire 60+ branch BPL system, NOT just the 12 tracked branches. We capture the number when it's there. 'Not exposed' means BPL didn't expose it on this scrape — we never substitute zero for missing data.

not exposed

ISBN 9798217045327